My Special Little Spirit - 11.14.11

Five months later, the word miscarriage, still makes me numb inside. By now, 

I should be able to handle, write and say the word. I should be able to pass a pregnant woman on the street and not tense up with raging jealousy and 

envy. I should be happy for friends that are announcing their blessed news 

and smile when I pass a mother pushing her newborn child in a stroller. I 

should be approaching my due date with you.....

The truth is, I am nowhere near feeling any of these emotions. I should be putting the crib together and making space in the closet for your clothes. 
I should be shopping for a new stroller, car seat, baby bottles and carriers. I should be preparing for little sleep, late night feedings and breastfeeding. I should be pondering our future family of five, with siblings ready to greet 
you to the world, and show you what a wonderful place we live in. I should 
be sharing my joy with friends and family. I should be scouring books and 
the internet for your perfect name. 

Yet, here I am completely consumed with grief and fighting the demons 
of losing you. Tomorrow should be your birthday, but that’s just not how it 
turned out in the end. Since losing you, I have dreaded this days coming, probably more than anything else. All I can do is try to find some sort of 
sunshine on such a dark day….


SPECIAL LITTLE SPIRIT
"You're a Special Little Spirit," the all great Master said,
As he gently caressed the curly blond hair of the Little Spirit's Head.
"you need to go to Earth to spend some time, you know,
A place I send most Spirits to be tested, to learn, to grow.

The Little Spirit, in sadness, slowly bowed her head,
And from her eye a tear did steal and down her cheek it shed.
"Don't you fret now little one, I won't let you stay too long,
I'll bring you back to help me here, You'll hardly know you've been gone. 
You're my choicest Little Spirit, you're the apple of my eye."
And he wiped the tear and gently kissed His Little Spirit good-bye.

"I'm back," the Little Spirit whispered, as she climbed onto her Master's 
knee, And the Master said, "I told you, you would not be long away from 
me." And then, the Lord, He noticed still another tear welled in her eye. 
"Why are you so sad, Little Spirit, whatever should make you cry?"

"I'm glad I'm back," the Spirit said, "but Master you must surely know,
When your angel came to get me, I didn't want to go.
I know you said you needed me and that I'd be gone the shortest while, 
But Lord, couldn't I have had a little longer earthly trial?"

The Master let the Little Spirit slip down from His knee,
He firmly took the little hand and said,"Come walk with me."
The Little Spirit and her Lord walked slowly hand in hand,
As the Master explained Her special part in the great and  marvelous plan.

"Now Lord, I don't mean to argue, I understand you need me home.
But I left in such a hurry; I left everyone hurting and so alone.
I didn't let my earthly parents know how much I loved them so.
I was much too small to tell them, Lord, how will they ever know?
They feel they've been cheated, and in a way so do I. Not getting to share 
any more than we did, how can I ever tell them why?"

"Little Spirit, I know your heart is heavy with the message you need to 
share. But you need not worry anymore, I'll watch over your loved ones 
there. I'll send them loving comfort as a strong and helping hand. I'll 
content and give peace to their aching hearts, so they will understand.

The Little Spirit looked up at her Master and said "Thank you for explaining 
it to me. And could you please tell them I'm safe and happy and that 
someday they'll be here with me."

"Yes," said the Lord with a smile and a nod, "I'll tell them all that I can."
Then the others came to see the Little Spirit, as the Lord let go of her 
hand. He said, "I'll tell them you're pure, as pure as Heaven's Gold,
That I needed the warmth of your perfect soul to keep Heaven from 
getting cold."